Catharsis Over Heree.

Rosemead west coast classics tournament. I don't even know what to tsay about it. Actually I do. I lost my first one. Won the second lost the third. I'm disappointed. My conditioning sucks and when I get tired I quit. I QUIT. I'm never going to quit again. I'm never going to lose a match where I quit. I'm going to go hard for 6 minutes. 6 MINUTES. and work hard.

Today was a good day

I'm focused now, I'm getting ready. Got the new deadmau5 album. My earphones. Wrestling shoes. Gotta get that championship belt!

WEll, my birthday was great. Good stuff with chuchu, sam, kev and some others. But it's now the point where I make my change for a change in mentality so I can fuck shit up in wrestling. No more fatfood, no more eating shit, it's all about working hard and taking that title.

is a bitch. Why is my senior year sofucking difficult. BITCH. Friday. Good Shit comin up.

Came back from Downey Duals today, I went 4-1. Personally 2 out of those 5 were the shittiest matches I have ever wrestled. I saw my video of them and I couldn't believe how horrible I did. It's tie to get back in the room on Monday an work harder to take it all next week.

Her songs are pretty catchy although i'm not a fan of her image and videos her songs are getting good. no joke. ahaha

Fuck that, I'm just a confident motherfucker.

And I might get either an iPad or netbook too for my bday! and then strip club!! (LOL!) We'll see what happens AHAHAHA :)

I accidentally fell asleep and woke up at 4:30 aM not cool.now I have to finish UC apps. sigh.

Math IA and UC apps left after this long ass english hw. :"(
fuck wrestling.

-Macbeth SCASI ACt 3 SCene 4
-Macbeth 20 Dialectical Journals
-Math IA-Typed
-UC APPS! :(
-Zone out in wrestling
-Fuck Shit Up in wrestling
-Make a wrestling mantra.
-Sleep

EDIT: Animoto Vid for Civics.

to those who I know and have become great friends with. To those that helped me achieve Eagle Scout! To those that are my partners in wrestling. To my high ass buds. To my sis. To my mom. To my awesome friend Kevin. COULDN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU ahaha. I'm an Eagle not a Turkey. That's right, get at me.

I guess starting this week I need to get everything together. To do List: College Apps, Math IA, and Eagle stuff. Must focus and remove all distractions farewell tumblr, facebook,blogspot, and occasional chatting. Forever Alone, for now.

This nigga's iPhone so fawking gay shit. It jailbreaks without jailbreaking it.

WAjjasay, yea writing an essay.. gaydays

Last night was such a blur, I just know that everything was really really soft and that double cheeseburger was hella good. I'm done.

I was so tired last night from mt sac wrestling and sore I wanted to just kill myself. And my legs are always banged up these days, I limp walk. and my mile time is 7:03 FAIL. Oh well. I hae a D in calc. buhbuhbummm

There's this negative aura around me. FUCK ALL YOU. Stupid dumbass negative influences, useless pieces of shit. No wonder I'm such a mess and it's because of you guys. Great family you are. And you know what, I'm not surprised my 18th bday isn't gonna be with you guys I mean it's gonna be almost the third time. So fuck you anyways!

Time for a shower.

No lie a lil' bit scarier than the first. aha fuhreakky. Sonia's screams were epic though. LOL

I remember this first Korean song I EVER heard. It's sad but to this day it still hits something, ya know?

Considerably, at the end of the day, in restrospect, I can't consider where or what actions to take. Perhaps, it isn't the actions but perhaps, undoubtedly, these habits that continually infest my being. Enough, with the awkward language. aha. But seriously, my bad habits are really reaching a point where at some time I'm going to regret more than I can enjoy. I've been saying this so many times. So why bother saying it anymore. Potential, where can I grasp it? I obviously know, but am too lethargic to both to try. Might as well wipe my stoned ass. Indeed, I really do shit bricks. 

I can't explain how I really want this week to be over already. There's still so much left to do. But for now I need to finish my EE and studyfor fucking math. -_-

I'm stuck doing this and that. Moreover, I'm only at 1000 words out of 3,500 for my extended essay which happens to be due tomorrow. I'm stressed disappointed and I want to blow shit up with my mind. For those 5 people that actually read my blog, I'll be sure to post some better things in my life.

It's so difficult right now, the extended essay is really getting to me.

HOLY FUCK. MY sister got an iPhone a few months ago and we couldn't use it until last week. Now she's goes to sit ont he fucking toilet and drops it in the fucking toilet like a dumbass. Now we can't use it anymore!! HOW STUPID CAN SHE BE?!?!? BARELY A WEEK AND NOW IT'S UNUSABLE!! FUCK!!!!

I've decided to finally resume my blogspot, after a long hiatus. I don't know what to do with but nothing to express my thoughts like usual. aha.  Anyways, it's been a while since summer ended, but there's no doubt that I still reminisce about it. Who gets the opportunity to meet hundreds of scouts in a summer, meet the most diverse, family, and teach kids how to ride horses? Great thing is that I still have the chance to return again next summer, which I definitely am looking forward to.
But let's go back to reality, I'm a senior now and still in IB. Poop. Then it's college apps, extended essays, World Lit essays, and finally my long due eagle application. It's all hitting me now but once Decemeber rolls around I'm home free.
FUCK: I forgot to mention that I fail as a senior. the torture. :(

I know I'm a shitty boyfriend. I know I never make my promises. I know I can never do anything right. But really I'm not going to trouble myself with you anymore. Maybe then you'll get the freedom you want.

Training week is over for summer camp and it was a tiring week. My schedule for the week was to wake up at 6 and then feed the horses at 6:30 then eat breakfast at 7. After we do camp clean ups then it's down to go clean the horses poop. Let me tell you, you will be surprised at how much poop they have per day. It's amazing I mean it takes around 15 minutes for a corral of only two horses to clean their poop. In retrospect, I will say I have learned a great deal about the horses and the proper ways to deal with them. I've riden them so much this week my butt is sore! I think the more grueling, difficult parts of riding a horse is the grooming, saddling and tying of horses before we can even get on a horse!
It's funny though, I've been so tired I've been falling asleep and knocking out during the middle of the day while working. It's embarassing but it's hard since the times and work is hard. Food there is somewhat alright, I prefer to serve the food everytime so I can get bigger portions because I've been working out over there everyday. I feel bigger. I really do, but maybe that's because of the protein shakes i've been drinking a lot. Hopefully it's working! Well, I'm back down for a day and a half and then it's back up there to the mountains! At least I get to clean myself up and get some new stuff before I go up there again. Hopefully, there won't be as much work since we can tell the scouts to do all the work.

-seepensir

Where shall I go from here, quite a bit confused. Mad, but I'm not worried. Tired, but I'm not quitting. Sick, but I don't need medicine. Willing, definitely.

That is all.
~seepensir

I wish you can realize how smart you really are. Although you may not think so, others may be greater than you, but it doesn't take a genius to understand. You are already far much better than a lot of people in the world we live in. Just take a second, breathe, relax, and find yourself. Don't let those that may beat you in the race shape what you do. Kepp doing what you do because that's the only thing that makes you different.

Where do I stand? Yea whatever. Oh no, it's happening again.

I'll tell you I don't give a fuck

YOU MAKE ME A VERY HAPPY GUY. YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THE LUCKIEST GUY IN THE WORLD BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IN THE END YOU'RE MINE.
I FUCKING LOVE YOU.

~seepensir

The truth is I'm really tired of trying so hard. You may not realize it but I have tried so hard to make you happy. Yea, it's reciprocated, but not in the way I'd expect. It just seems like what I do just doesn't cut it. I tell myself that I shouldn't stop trying, and I follow it. Dam it. What the fuck. I just want to be happy.

I post because I'm too afraid to tell you how I feel myself.

I really do. I'll wait for you. I'll stick by your side, you know I will. I've fallen in love so deeply for you. And no matter what, I love you Sean, always.

~seepensir

I think I'm a 50 on the scale. Hormones. psh.

Es un dolor de mi colila. Odio mis padres, pero no usa nada porque ellos no se escucho. No me importa mas. Todos lo que necesito son que no tengo. Mi novia no me entienda a veces y tiene muchas momentos de azar. Como expectas que reaccione? Alguna veces no te entiendo. Quiero olvidarse, pero se no es la mejor opcion.

I took a sip of soda, I want more. The fizz that bubbly taste. Oh you carbonated beverage how you fill my tummy. Now I can't eat as much anymore because you have taken up my space with you air.

Labels: fuck

When was the last time I ever had a jubilant post. Maybe like once or twice. That's about it. Amazing.

Yea, It's that random. Confused? Tell me about it.

I swear I can do things so much better. Things people never expect. Maybe I've gotten used to the fact of trying but failing that I would just not try at all.

It's amusing how I subtly hint my feelings and thoughts onto the screen, yet not through my mouth. Just a thought.
parents, shit, school, shit, friends, alright.
I just want the worries to go away. Not sure how you feel about this. So many things to juggle in my mind, in my life.

I'm just never good enough, that's that.

I won't say it, and I never will. What has my life come to? I thought it was meant for school, but it seems that it's not even that anymore. I need some guidance. Honestly, I'm lost.

oh the worries. seepensir

Am I? I don't know. I love you so much I just want you all to myself. Maybe I can't. You won't let me in and it bothers me. It's pretty much the whole reason I feel the way I do everyday. I wish you can treat me like somebody, I know I deserve more, but you won't give me any. There are days when we're great together; many times it's the opposite. It happens more everyday, more often. I try not to, I'm so deeply in love with you that's it's driving me insane. Can you open up to me and treat me like your boyfriend, not just someone you hold hands with? Please, that's all I'm asking for. But then again, maybe I'm asking for too much.

Adopt-a-confidant time. Think I need to tell someone what I think. Nothing bad. Just stuff that is good to talk about. HaHa. Up for another bio night?
Finally, gonna go a hit the gym tomorrow. I swear I am weak as fuck. Don't tthink I can curl 30s anymore. Shit. But, I promise my girl that I'll try to stick with her and tell ehr how to work out the best. We'll see. dedication? hardly.

Sometimes we're fine, others not so much. All I ask is for that little something that makes me feel like I'm part of your life, that I'm someone different. Something that's just missing. Maybe I'm asking too much. Perhaps, I've gotten too attached. Maybe this means that I truly, honestly do love you. I just want a sense of security knowing that you won't wake up the next day feeling different. So please, tell me about yourself.

I make stupid mistakes. I get it.

It's been a blur, well, not really. But sometimes I'm just left with the what-ifs. I always have the "I know ...... this and that" about what to do problem is I never do them. I think that I'm just afraid and then chicken out on the little things that matter. I feel like a nuisance leaving me to do things that I regret. I've never fallen for someone this hard, it's the first time where I'm aware of what I'm doing. There have been those great times. So let's keep it going.