Catharsis Over Heree.

So today, I went to a volunteer meeting for my hospice program that I'm in. I think the people there are just so "real" in there problems and feelings. My coordinator, Lesleigh is so fantastic she really cares for me and I think that she's is such a great person. She always welcomes me with a smile, hug, and a "how have you been, spence?" They are such simple things in life and they just make me feel as if I'm so cared for by someone. She calls to make sure that George and I are doing fine and to check if anything is wrong. And I'm only a volunteer! Such warmth and compassion really makes me feel good about what I do. Patricia, who I had a pleasure of meeting today, is also a volunteer like me. She has such a story to tell. Her patients she met have passed away. It really strikes a chord to see how she has been affected by the program. I can try to retell the story but it will lack the emotions and feelings of the teller and that deprives the importance behind it.
The volunteers who went to this meeting have often suffered a loss or have felt the kindness from the program and decided to join the volunteer force to give back. In my head I'm thinking, "Wow, these people are so unselfish and these people are so giving and have so much care to help others. There really are great people in the world."
When I told my story about how I came to be a volunteer, I said, "Sometimes I have my bad days and go in the facility with a bad mood on my mind, but after just sitting and talking to George and leaving the place I come out with a smile onmy heart and then my day becomes so much better. This work that I do is just something that I gives back to me." And this was the truth, nothing more and nothing less. Lesleigh thanks me for having such compassion to selflessly helping others at my young age.
When I went to the supermarket after my parents dropped off my sister to work, I helped this old lady get coffee boxes from the topshelf. She thanked me. Greatest feeling in the world.
Why do I still feel like I lack candor?
Sometimes I think I'm such a fake person who smiles without the happy, laughs without the joy, and tells without the meaning; made of plastic. I've built this wall in front of me to ever truly confront and speak my mind. And when I do I shy away.